when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
