we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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