Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
