I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
