Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
