part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
