I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
