dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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