So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
