Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
