i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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