you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
