Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
high people should be assigned attendants
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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