i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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