I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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