Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
