Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
