if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
