I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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