That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
only you would photoshop your dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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