Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
