Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
