I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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