Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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