I think i peed on brittanys purse
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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