I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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