you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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