hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
