so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
