LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
