it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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