Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
