Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
