my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
