I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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