Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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