The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
