There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
