piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
