Sober January is a disaster.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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