Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
