I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
