fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
