call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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