I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
