She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
