Betty ford says i'm here all night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
