Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
