A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
