i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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